Just broken.

.Blessings by Laura Story.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Sometimes I can get so caught up in myself and my needs. Sometimes everything just hurts and it feels like there’s no light, no goodness, and no mercy.  Sometimes I just want to scream and cry and wail about all of the things that are unfair for me.

This is the hardest time in my life.

When all of this is going on in my head, I fail to realize how much God is working in my life. I’m so blinded by the fear and the doubt and the selfishness that I don’t even recognize a Holy God living within me. It’s a trap that’s taken hold of me.  Like an addiction.  I want for me, I need for me, I do for me. When so many people in my life, and even Jesus Himself, give to me daily without expectations.  What can I do to remove this growing pain and filth within my heart?  At times I’m good and at times I’m not.  There’s constantly an underlying dirt that I can’t let go of.  There’s always that knowledge that I’m broken. There’s always that reality that I am a sinner.

To even let my soul begin to comprehend God’s love for me lately just causes me to fall back, to pull away, to hide.  I don’t deserve it.  And I’m almost embarrassed to show my face to Him.

But He loves me. He loves me. And He loves me.

And yet His word says, that Jesus came for people just like me. And my heart is joyful at that.  I rejoice in the fact that, even when I don’t understand it or recognize it Him in my life, He’s my Savior.  But that’s failing to show itself in my day to day grind.

He died for me. He died for me. And He died for me.

And to go even farther, His death made a way for us to always be together.  He cleaned me and He allowed His Spirit to dwell within me.

So He’s coming back for me. He’s coming back for me. And He’s coming back for me.

The fact of the matter is that, to even think of asking for comfort on this filthy rag of a planet is an absurdity.  To be so selfish and concerned with your body and it’s comfort, which will one day decompose along with the dirt and feces, is disgusting.  We’re called to live lives worthy of the calling we have received.  And we’re called to lay down our lives, as in flesh, for our brothers and our Lord.  Why, when we get into the nitty-gritty of the day, can we not accomplish this?

Because it’s broken. And Jesus came to fix it. If I’d only put the blinders on and look at Him.

“So therefore be holy, as I Am holy.” -Jesus



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