Motherhood: simply enjoying his love.

If you don’t know already, this holiday is my favorite! I love all the colors and the hearts and that ‘love in the air’ feeling. As I was thinking about how far my hubby and I have come since our first valentine’s day together (bad hair and all) I realize just how blessed I am. God has given me such a story that is so beautifully specific to me and Zac and now Fletcher that I couldn’t have penned it better. God has such a way of scripting beauty into our lives and I’m just overwhelmed with His love lately.

I’ve been struggling with bible study and making time to dig into God’s words. I’ve been praying for that overwhelming desire to study and learn, but all I’m left with is the overwhelming desire to . . . sleep. I’m tired and flustered and frustrated that I can’t be 24/7 Superwoman: with a kid. I feel like I used to have it all put together for the most part, but having a baby just kind of throws everything off course. Don’t get me wrong, it’s the most beautiful and life-changing blessing I’ve ever received, but my sin nature still wants to fight the woman-got-it-all syndrome.

Today, starting off the week of Valentine’s (yes, it’s a week long celebration in my house!), I feel like God is simply wanting me to enjoy His great love. I revel in my husband, my son, and my whole life, giving glory to God, but do I simply revel in God Himself? Over and over again, I feel the need to preform and try to win His love when I’ve been wrapped around His finger since He thought me up.

God’s showed me the simple truth in what it means to bless and be a blessing this week. He’s teaching me that His blessing was given to us as simply and as powerfully as our names are given to us. We are people, made by God, therefore we are blessed people. Nothing can change it because it’s who we are. We are blessed above all other creation to simply but powerfully love God.

I know that love and faith is shown through works and good deeds, like James so adamantly proves. But in this time in my life, my ‘good works’ are not blatant, in fact, most of them are not even seen. They are simple and hidden and unknown. Feeding my baby, keeping my home, pleasing my husband. I’m caught up in this anxiety about appearing like I love God, but not actually feeling in love.

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17,18

As I work on weeding out the pride in my heart to be known by my ‘good works’, I’ll also be over here simply trying to enjoy God’s great love this Valentine’s day.

But in the end, what do I know? I’m just a sparrow.

sparrow sig

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