Married: beauty in vulnerability.

Sitcoms like Everybody Loves Raymond are completely based around degrading men {by “joking”} turning them into sex-crazed, beer-drinking idiots. Pick a commercial, any commercial pretty much, and tell me it doesn’t degrade the roles of men and women in some way.

We jest at each other for our “jobs” as men and women, our sex drives, and anything else we can think of that is specific to our genders. We stereotype each other, women ALWAYS shop too much, men ALWAYS want more sex, women ALWAYS talk too much, and men ALWAYS shy away from confrontation. These things aren’t obsolete from most relationships, but the fact that we think every man and every woman has the same faults is simply not true. We’re afraid of being called weak, fearful, and small because we embrace the humble life of a Christian woman or man.

It takes a lot to be vulnerable enough to accept your God-given role, I get it. And I struggle with this issue just as much as anyone, in my own ways. People have been hurt, I also get that. There is risk involved when you open yourself up to another person emotionally, spiritually, and sexually.

Marriage vulnerability

What I’m discovering though, as I grow older and grow closer to my husband is that there is a beauty in vulnerability as a woman that can’t be fabricated anywhere else. There is something incredible in looking into my man’s eyes, knowing that he sees every fault and, yet, he still loves me regardless. There is something godly about spending the time getting to know my husband as a man.

Opening ourselves up to our essence as men and women takes time. Similar to a budding flower, days and nights pass as we slowly open our petals, one at a time, and sometimes it takes years to bloom fully. When we’re hurt or neglected or scared, we tend to close up, so it takes a team of two people, in love with one another and faithfully following God, to truly embrace and cultivate vulnerability in marriage. But when we do, it’s the most beautiful thing of all.

Being open with your spouse about sins, hurts, and fears builds a bridge of gratefulness, forgiveness, and repentance. Being open with your spouse about desires, dreams, and daily life leads to prosperity and takes you to a place of real joy in one another.

Emotional Intimacy is when you open up about even your silliest and most selfish feelings. It’s when you talk through your passions and your pleasures and what drives you. When you open up about your feelings and when you open up to hear your spouses in return, you’re creating a whole new capacity for your relationship to grow into. It’s like buying a new, bigger home and realizing the potential of stuff to fill it with. And there’s no limit to the amount of things you share!

Physical Intimacy is when you truly give your body to your spouse. Like 1 Corinthians 7:3 states, “. . .the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” As marriage partners, we are to work together to fulfill the physical needs of our spouse, whether sexual or otherwise. As the vessels of our souls, our bodies should mimic the sold out servitude of Christ. Except in the case of abuse of course, spouses need to cultivate a trusting, compassionate, safe haven for one another. And the physical status of their relationship should be discussed often. Sometimes a man needs some non-sexual touch, sometimes a wife wants to be pursued differently. Regardless of what the couple’s preferences or desires are, they must be discussed! A couple should never have to be afraid to talk about these things with one another. Paul continues in the next verse and says, “Do not deprive each other.” Spouses should cultivate a trust-worthy, servant-hearted attitude towards one another so that no one is neglected or pushy.

Spiritual intimacy has to be the toughest vulnerability of all. This is when you pray together, discuss sins together, repent together. This is the most scary because no one likes to talk about the things that condemn them to Hell. No one wants to admit that their facade of perfection is far from truth. Everybody wants to keep their secrets to themselves. But that’s one reason why God made marriage to be a forever covenant and safe place for a man and a woman. That’s why there is such a fight to keep marriages together today, because Satan knows how they portray God’s redemption and mimic His goodness, forgiveness, and sacrifice.

These things are things that we must continue to pursue throughout our married lives. And these are things if you’re not-yet married, you should be praying for strength to cultivate.

Lord, I pray that you would intervene in marriages today. I pray that your will would be made know to wives and husbands across the globe. I pray that you would protect and teach us to cherish this important covenant and vital piece of your plan for us. I pray that we would become intentional about cultivating emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy with our spouses and that through these things your Spirit would move in our lives. Thank you for the gift of marriage and the beauty of a man with a woman. Help us to be vulnerable and open with another and teach us to be an En Gedi, an oasis in this dry, dry desert for one another. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

As always, thanks for reading! Go with grace today and thank God for the vulnerability that you share with your spouse.

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3 thoughts on “Married: beauty in vulnerability.

  1. I so deeply enjoyed this. Your words are so honest and blunt (I like that about you). You say even the hardest thing to hear (or read in this case) in such an encouraging and fluent way. I enjoy it.

    As for the topic of your post. Uh, great choice!! While I am not married yet I have met the man I will soon be marrying, thanks to the good Lord himself. Already, as we have had a relationship for a long time now, I feel as though I have struggled this, that WE have struggled with this, in one way or another. I particularly admire your quote (also, so beautifully displayed, I might add).

    AND! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new look here at Just a Sparrow! Great color choices. great design, great everything! I also (also…I feel like I have been saying ‘also’ a lot) really admire your site’s title; Just a Sparrow. So raw, and deep yet playfully poetic.

    As always, it is an incredible pleasure reading your posts,
    – Dusty,

    • Thank you so much, Dusty! That’s so awesome that your man and you discuss these things. So many people just shove them under the rug and never realize the opportunity to grow through it! Keep that up.

      Thanks for all of your “also’s”! I really love that we’ve connected and can encourage one another. You are too sweet & I would very much like to enjoy a coffee with you someday! :)

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