Married: broken married sex.


Okay world, let me tell you a little secret. Life, here on earth, is broken. No matter how well we try to live, no matter what convictions we have, no matter how “good” we are, we are all scarred by the tiny, destructive shards of this torn apart land.

Jesus tells us that we will have trouble. He promises & encourages us to consider ourselves blessed when we face trials, because our faith is being tested & we will be refined.

Sex is so very prevalent in our culture. It’s on the billboards, in the magazines, on our screens, & in our minds, constantly, whether we are single or married. God made sex for us, to enjoy, as an essential part of who we are. But He did not make the sex we know of in our culture today. We have unlimited access to a hyped up, fantastical, visually deadening, mentally scarring sex. These images & ideas are not God’s intentions for our sexuality, in fact, they are the broken version of His glorious gift.

My husband & I have been married two years now & to say any of it has been easy would be a lie. Marriage is meant to refine us & is one of the biggest vehicles that God uses to do so, therefore if we intend to have a good marriages & good sex lives, we must expect to be pushed & changed through all of the difficult circumstances of this life.

With sex being on the forefront of our minds & culture these days, we must address it from a biblical & practical viewpoint. We are broken, we have already established this, & God gave us sex as a gift & venue to express ourselves & to connect in our marriages & grow closer to Christ. But those things don’t seem to stop our sinful hearts from abusing this precious gift.

One thing that I have learned in our marriage, through all of it’s struggles & pains & fears is that we need Christ regardless of if we think we do at the moment.

My husband & I grew up as “good little Christian kids” & we were virgins when we got married, but none of that has changed the fact that our sex life has been a real struggle.

There is sin & hurt & insecurity on both sides. In the beginning, I would often find myself blaming my husband & his sins for our issues, but I soon realized that I am just as destructive. Our hidden prides, fears, & lusts all play a part in our failures to be truly one with each other & nothing but Christ can interfere to bring about pure, intimate, sexual & spiritual holiness between a husband & wife.

When it boils down to it, marriage doesn’t fix our sex problems, in anything, it helps bring them to life.  A good marriage eventually brings up every sexual heart issue, every sexual sin, every sexual scar, & every single proud bone in our bodies. Working through those things together is no easy task. But when we allow God to interfere, He cleanses us of those black spots & works towards bringing forth two pure hearts, yearning for their Savior’s grace, able to embrace the sex life that God intends for them.

So, I encourage the pre-marrieds. Stop thinking that marriage & sex is the end all be all of existence & perfection, & acknowledge that you are currently being prepared for the hardest, most life-changing, most terrifying, albeit glorious & gratifying, reality check of your life.

As for us marrieds, remember that we are in this for the long-hull, not to be perfected in one quick, difficult day, but to continually work out our salvation together with fear & trembling, alongside the helpmate that God has entrusted to each of us, for the glory of God our father, who lavishes gifts aplenty in the midst of our sinful lives.

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